Category Archives: Monologued Dialogue

Monologued Dialogue, Updates

An approximately 6 month check in – Where have we been?

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Man, it’s been a minute, hasn’t it? We haven’t posted anything since May, and that was just sharing a few spreadsheets I’ve made to help other gamers with specific game tracking things.

And it’s been an eventful few months. You started a new job, got in a car wreck, lost two puppers, and got a new car.

I didn’t need the reminder about the puppers… But for our readers, I had a little dog, we’d guess about 3 or 4 years old, that my mother had taken in when he was found wandering near her house. No one claimed him after they looked for his owner, so Mom kept him until Dad wanted him out of the house because he wasn’t fully trained. (And Dad was looking to get a different dog, admittedly.) So, little Phil came to live with me, my cats, my brother, and my brother’s old basset hound named River.

Phil was a cute little stinker, wasn’t he?

Yes, he was. But I couldn’t get him house trained. A year later and I was still struggling, but then his health took a dive. Come to find out, poor little guy was extremely diabetic, and it was time to start twice daily insulin shots. I did my best to get his numbers under control, but I was still working a dead-end job with little income, so I was also trying to find a home that could give him the care that he needed. Unfortunately, he took another bad dive and passed before I could find someone who could help him better than I could. That was around the end of May, and the exact same day that a woman I’ve seen as another grandmother and my mother’s cousin passed away. I’ve heard that death comes in threes, but they aren’t usually all on the same day.

On the plus side, you started a new job at the start of July. One that pays better, you already had a friend on the team you joined, and that took some stress off of you.

True. But then in August, I was in a wreck that totaled my car and took me a while to recover from mentally. Physically, the worst I had was a jammed finger and a chipped tooth. Mentally… Well, I’m still not completely recovered, but I’m not flinching from being “too close” to another car anymore. I also did manage to get a nice car after I got the insurance payout.

Things were quieter for you for a few months, at least. September and October weren’t too terrible.

Until River started to pass. He was an old dog, the family’s had him for years. He used to be Mom’s, too, but the brother that lives with me wanted him, and he was getting cranky with the younger and more energetic dogs around Mom’s house, so… He came to live with us! For a bit, he actually was a truck dog and went out with my brother in the semi every week. He loved that! But my brother changed to a different company and wasn’t allowed to have a dog in the truck anymore, so River stayed home. At least things were still calm here, as the cats didn’t bother him. Three of them actually ignored him, but my little orange cat, Flareon, loved him to pieces. Phil didn’t even bother him much when we eventually got him, preferring to play with energetic Flareon instead.

Man, Flareon did not take losing either of them well, did she?

No, she didn’t. She moped and looked for Phil for a solid month. It broke my heart, watching her look for her buddy. At least with River, she was able to see him declining, so it wasn’t as sudden. She’s still definitely been a little mopey, but not nearly as bad.

Well, let’s look at some happier things- What about the project you’re actively working on?

I’ve actually made a decent bit of headway on the start of a new story project: The Rose Queen – First Queen. That’s the temporary title, it may change before publishing. I’m also not yet sure if it’ll be published here, or if I’ll try to get it turned into a book and book series. I have ideas for a couple of follow up books, but I’m not 100% on them yet. But I’ve gotten the intro written for The Rose Queen, and I’ve got a full outline and an idea of how the world itself works.

So, magic, fantasy, sci-fi? What do we have?

It’s definitely a fantasy type story, with magic rather than tech. It’s hard to describe without giving a lot of the story away, but put simply, life is very different for the people of that world than the people of this one. Living areas are nothing like what we have, the social structure is different to a degree, and how people cooperate and survive is adjusted to that.

You can give at least a little overview, to get readers hyped for it, right?

Well… We’ll be following 23 year old Thorn, an illusionist living in District 92, the poorest district in her area. While helping her friends, she is affected by the actions of a serial killer in the district known as “The Stalker” by the residents. No one knows who this is, or why they are doing what they are, but after someone close to Thorn is taken, she starts to take a bigger interest in bringing justice to the crimes in District 92.

What about your other, big, 7 book project? How’s that going? I mean, I know, considering I’m just you, but what about for our readers?

Well, I’m in a holding pattern on that one at the moment. I know what I want to do, it’s just how to do it and how to get from point a to point b that’s evading me. It’s a project that will, honestly, take a long time. Even though 5 of the books will be the same story from different perspectives, there will be scenes in some that aren’t in the others, and how each character retells the tale will differ based on what they see as important and how they talk and think. For example, an analytical type will recall more details that led to various actions on their part, a fashionista may recall more what people wore and how things looked, and someone about the action over anything else may remember more of what people did and less of what they said. It’s both a look at how different characters are written, and how different people will remember the same exact events.

That’s pretty interesting, actually. Even when two people see the exact same thing, you’re right that they will focus on different parts of it and therefore remember it a bit differently. Even if the major points add up to the same thing for both of them, the small details will differ.

Exactly! It’s going to be a difficult project for me, but that’s half the fun. I’m looking forward to my next inspiration spurt for it. Until then, I’ve got The Rose Queen to work on. I’m trying not to start any other projects for the time being, so I don’t overload myself like I’ve done in the past. We’ll see how that goes from here! Let us know if you think I should post The Rose Queen here, or if you’d rather I go straight for book form!

Monologued Dialogue

When Life Gives You Restless Energy…

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GAH! WHY?! Why can’t I focus and get cleaning done? Why can’t I even focus on the games I like? Or books? Or videos or TV? Why is it so hard today?

Have you considered your brain works differently than those around you?

Yes, but that doesn’t help me if I don’t know how to manipulate it!

How about-

I don’t want to go to a doctor right now. Last time I tried to bring up this concern, it was brushed off.

Do it anyway. I know it’s unnerving, but-

I don’t want more pills I’ll forget to take. I need to figure out how to work with this.

Well, that long walk last night seemed to do the trick, at least somewhat. Or when you start writing absolute nonsense at the speed of a mad woman.

Yeah, but I can’t always do either of those, either due to where I’m at or weather or supplies at hand… Besides, walking 2 miles just because I’m frustrated, restless, or can’t focus really isn’t feasible at the moment just as is.

That’s true, but you can find a solution for those times that walking or writing won’t work. “Daydreaming,” for lack of a better term, also seems to focus you down.

Yeah- not really daydreaming but intentionally writing a story in my mind while I work on things… That does help sometimes. Other times, it gives me a headache.

That’s because you’re tensing up and stressing about other things, kid. As you figure things out, you’ll be fine.

What if it’s not fine? What if I can’t ever get this under control because I don’t want to go get medication for it? What if it’s not something that can be treated or helped and I’m just not normal? What if-

You read enough books to know what I’m about to tell you. You can “what if” yourself to death, kid. Instead, let’s look at what you’ve got going. You’ve got three potential ways to help you focus. You’re finding new ways to help yourself all the time. And if you don’t go to a doctor or therapist or psychiatrist? That’s fine, so long as you’re willing to accept the consequences of not accepting help and learn how to handle it without a professional.

Stop being so rational.

I am literally the rational part of your brain given a voice and personality. Can’t help it. Learn and grow, kid, that’s all you can do. That’s all anyone can do, at the end of the day. You can do this. Countless people do every day, with or without professional help.

Yeah… Yeah, I guess you’re right. Though remind me to be smarter the next time I want a two mile walk. That hill was brutal on my knee.

Sure thing, kid. If you’ll listen.

Monologued Dialogue

Doing What You Love And Loving What You Do

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It’s been a bit. We haven’t had a public chat in quite a while.

No, we haven’t. Haven’t had much private chatting either. You’ve been discouraged lately.

Well, when you start a writing blog and one fitness review gets all of your views for months on end, it kinda wrecks your motivation. Plus, writers block for the stuff I’m thinking of putting up as much next project… I kinda feel lost as a writer.

That’s fair- to work hard on something and see nothing for it, that can break a person. So, what will you do?

Keep on keeping on. I didn’t start this blog for exposure or to become famous. I did it to break out of my head, share my writing with whoever would find it, and maybe inspire others along the way. Through my chats with you, I want to help others see how to look in a different way at things. Or, at least how I do it.

And if nothing else you put out gets views?

It’ll be here if someone wants to view it. I don’t write because I have to, or I need to be seen. I started writing because I love it. I started writing because I love it. It’s freeing, a release from stress, and a way to explore myself.

So, you’re more worried about doing what you love?

Yes. I want to eventually publish a book. That will be for other people. This, though… this is mostly for me. A sort of public diary, public workbook.

Then that’s the important thing. Do things for you, not because it will make you look good. You’ve grown a lot lately, and mostly on your own.

I’m never on my own, really. You’re literally part of me, so I’ve always got you, too.

Kendra's Mental Health Central, Monologued Dialogue

Personas, Presentation, and Choices

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I’ve come to a realization.

Why don’t you sound happy about that?

Because I’m not. I don’t like what I’ve realized.

Oh boy. What is it, then?

You’re the one everyone sees.

What?

You’re the one everyone sees. Out and about, cheerful and energetic. You’re the extrovert, not me. I’ve always been an introvert just good at pretending to be an extrovert, but now I see it. In those positions, it’s you in control and people see you. I’m the one there for my fur babies, relaxing at home with a book or a game, but when other people are there… Mostly, it’s you. Shorty, you’re the cool one, the strong one, the one everyone likes. I’m just… Kinda here.

Well… I love to disagree with you in this case, because you’re wrong.

Wha- Bu-

No, no, hear me out. When we’re out and about and extroverted- Good with customers, good on the phone, smiling and cheerful, initiating conversations… Yeah, that’s me showing. But when we’re alone, and quiet, and have no energy? When we struggle to so much as eat dinner or shower? That’s more… We’ll name that one Exaviour.

Like… One of your old enemies?

Exactly.

Okay, but if you’re my outgoing and positive self, and Exaviour is me the rest of the time… Where exactly do I fit in?

Well, you’re both of us. We’re the way you present yourself, but you are both of us in some way or another. I mean… You have the capability to be me, or I wouldn’t be a presentation you show. Likewise, you have the capability to be Exaviour, to be basically a withdrawn couch potato. But which one you ultimately, truly are is up to you. You can be capable, successful, and couragous. You can be withdrawn, doubtful, and alone. You choose, simply by the choices you make. When you make choices that put you in positions where I present, then you start skewing more towards me. When you cancel plans and allow yourself time for Exaviour to rule, you begin to slide towards him.

So… What you’re saying is, I’m allowing myself to be a loser and a loner? I’m not trying hard enough?

No. What I’m saying is, there is a part of you that enjoys that, and a part of you that does not. Regardless if I present or not, you are still an introvert and get tired from being social. Your battery, as you see it, drains. You allow Exaviour out in an attempt to recharge. There’s nothing wrong with that! Everyone needs down time. But, when you’re recharged, you can still choose to continue charging. Have you noticed that you get tired of social things faster the more you’ve been alone?

Yeah…

Much like a phone battery, over-charging can damage your battery life. Likewise, letting your battery be too low for too long can cause you problems. There’s a balance, but you decide what that balance is, and if you’d prefer to balance towards me or Exaviour. Even when you’re alone, you can still balance towards me by doing just one thing at a time that you know you need to, but don’t want to. Washing dishes. Mopping. Laundry. It doesn’t have to be hard, just something to get you doing something more Shorty-like and less Exaviour-like.

So… I’m both my good, public side and my not-so-great private side, but I can skew more toward my public persona by just making one or two choices at a time?

Exactly.

That’s some real self-help bullshit if I’ve ever heard it. But damn, you’re right. I mean, look at the Exaviour part of me that says I’ll never finish any projects? It gets quieter the closer I get to completing Taking Back The Kingdom, the more I work on my new project. They aren’t finished yet, the new project not even close, but the closer I get… The more I prove that I can do it, if I just allow myself. Admittedly, Taking Back The Kingdom won’t be finished finished with the final chapter being posted.

No, because it’s 100% all first drafts. If you ever decide to publish it as an actual book, you’ll need to flesh it out more, revise, proofread… What have you. But, you’ll have gotten to a true stopping point with the story. I say, once you finish that, pick another project on the site and work on. Because if you do, you give Exaviour less room to work with. And when you get home from work tomorrow, since you get home just in time to shower and sleep tonight?

Um… Dishes?

Sounds like a plan. See, we’re taking the steps needed to shift you more towards me and less towards Exaviour.

Monologued Dialogue

Giving Myself A Pep Talk

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Is it weird that I talk to myself so much? Especially so publicly as in a blog?

I mean, maybe? Depends on how you look at it, kid. You’re a writer by nature. A lot of people might see this as just a fancy writing exercise you’ve shared with the world. Some will see it as a sign of mental illness, even if I bring more good than harm. Still others may see me as a psychic manifestation of a guardian spirit. It won’t help on the second point if you say “talking to myself” when describing this.

Heh, true enough. I have noticed, however, that it’s hard to describe this in other terms. How would you do it?

Well…. as a deeper looking into your own thought processes and reasoning. Or, as a writing exercise, if that pleases people more.

But is it really a writing exercise? I wouldn’t need two voices for that, would I?

True, but it sort of is a writing exercise, as well as a deeper look into your mind. With how you write my parts, I don’t see what else to call it. We both know I’m not real, you don’t pretend that I am, so I wouldn’t think others might see you as delusional. You let your deeper thoughts come through, or try to, and name them after a character. I would say you also gave these thoughts my personality, but my personality is really just a more reasonable and allow version of yours. Well, in this incarnation, at least.

I hear ya- though I really wonder if this is, or will be, more than entertainment for anyone ever….

Everything on the internet affects everyone in different ways. This could inspire another writer to create a story about someone learning and growing this way. Hell, a future you could.

Not with my project completion rate. I have too many ongoing projects as it is.

You’ll get there. You just need to figure out a prioritization system that works for you. Maybe focus down on your new project first, its got real promise as something you can finish. Finishing one story will give you confidence.

I mean… maybe? Its hard to feel that way, seeing my beastie able to finish projects, even if they’re just NaNos or fanfics. Hell, she’s done writing for charity. And I’m just over here, talking to myself and starting more and more projects that I may never finish.

What will you do about it? Stop focusing on your thoughts to sort them, as we’re doing now? Give up on writing, one of your favorite activities? Or will you pick a project, focus on it, and complete it? Focus on Hero’s Spirit, as you’re calling it, a project you’ve admitted should be easier to finish. Likewise, it would be a series you would enjoy to read if someone else wrote it. Give yourself time to write each night, or to type what you’ve written through the day, and focus on this project. 2021 could be the year you finish a story.

Yeah… Yeah, I can do that, I guess. I’ve already written various pieces of this project, I just have to slot them together and add a few more pieces.

And as you make those pieces, you’ll understand the narrative you want better, making it all fit more easily. You always try to write linearly. A puzzle piece approach might be more your style. That’s why you’re having trouble with “Life Is Super”, “Nameless”, and “Taking Back The Kingdom.”

What about “Journey”?

You seem to treat that story like you do Minecraft itself: Gone for a time before you return to play again. You’ll finish that one in your own sweet time.

Heh… I will, if only because I like the ending I have in mind. It’ll be shorter than I originally planned, but it’s hard to think of how to extend it without getting boring or repetitive. I think a lot of people can see the outcome, just not how I’ll get there.

Kid… You don’t know for sure how you’ll get there.

Shhhhhh… Don’t tell the readers that.

Just keep holding on, kid. You’ll make it, long as I’m here for you.

So… As long as I trust myself?

Excatly!

Monologued Dialogue, Nerd Fitness Prompts

Nerd Fitness Prompts – Writing to Improve Mindfulness: Day 1 – Control

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This series will be driven by journaling prompts provided by the team at Nerd Fitness via their Nerd Fitnes Prime program and Journey app beta. I’ve chosen to share these sessions as a means to help others, either by attempting the prompt themselves, or through something discussed in our own conversations.

Today’s prompt: “What things are truly in my control?” These prompts are meant to give guidance on something to think on and write about for a brief period of time, such as 5 minutes.

Need some help figuring out who is Me and who is Shorty? Head over to our “Meet the Family” Page to find out!

So, I’ve decided to tackle my journal prompts from the NF team as a dialogue. You always help me order my thoughts, Shorty.

Thanks, kid. Let’s give it a try!

Alright… Control… I feel like very little is in my control, but I know better. Sometimes, it’s just hard to see.

Well, start with the undeniable. What can only you and no one else control?

Hmm… My thoughts, my actions. Reactions as well. I control my words. How I portray myself.

Very good. Can you expand and give yourself goals based on those? C’mon, kid, let’s take this a step further.

I control my anger, and when to let things go. I can choose to stop holding grudges. I control if I lash out, get offended, let something ruin my day. I can choose to forgive, forget, move on, and be happy.

Excellent. And now that you have it written, you’ll be able to come back to this at need and remember.

I will. Thanks for the assist, Shorty.

Monologued Dialogue

Curious Mind

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Need some help figuring out who is Me and who is Shorty? Head over to our “Meet the Family” Page to find out!

Ugh. I have so many ideas and not enough time to implement them. So many things I want to learn, and no idea which to prioritize. There’s so much I want to do, see, know…

Congratulations on having such a curious mind. Not everyone does. I know you feel it’s a burden at times, but look at where it’s gotten you already. You’re beginning to learn Japanese, something you’ve wanted since you were young. You’ve started a site to share your musings, our conversations, and some of your works. And the work you haven’t publicly shared has been seen as good by your friends that have read it.

But I get distracted by new ideas so easily… I know Journey is somewhat popular, considering my small viewer base, and yet I’m so slow to update it.

You just need to organize and structure yourself. And then stick to it, kid! You’ve got a start to a schedule, add to it and stick to it. You’ll get more done and feel better about yourself. And don’t start new projects until you finish one. Write your general ideas down and save them. It works for your roleplaying with your friend.

You’re right. I need to organize. I’ll start a schedule and try to keep it.

That’s the way. You can do this, kid. Just do it.

Monologued Dialogue

The Return

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Need some help figuring out who is Me and who is Shorty? Head over to our “Meet the Family” Page to find out!

Well, things are starting to settle down a bit… So here we are, back to it. I’m not sure how it’s going to go, or if we’re going to even entertain anyone, but… Well, we’re here.

Don’t doubt yourself, kid. You’re a great writer, and people like your work. Just update regularly, and I’m sure it’ll all be fine.

If you say so… I should start streaming again, too. Or start making videos again. Maybe I’ll start the idea I had of writing on video, to show my writing process. Ooooh, maybe do a story influenced by my viewers and commenters… Within reason, of course…

That could be a fun idea. See? Everything will be great. Maybe you could stream your story ideas, and have the chat direct the story a bit. Things will be great.

I guess so. Well, here’s to the next fun adventure!

Monologued Dialogue

Fears

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Need some help figuring out who is Me and who is Shorty? Head over to our “Meet the Family” Page to find out!

So… Seriously, what are you afraid of? I don’t mean like bug or crap like that. I mean emotional fear… Hell, you know what I mean. Fear in regards to being who you want to be, and doing what you want to do.

Kinda… I mean… I don’t know. Failure? Upsetting people I care about? Looking like the biggest waste of space in the universe?

And why are you worried about all that? You’ve failed before. You’ve upset people before, and they’re still here. And you can’t manage that last one- rapists and child predators exist. People way worse than you could ever come close to being. Add to that all the people between there and someone trying they’re best.

But if I fail at what I want to do, who I feel I really am… That feels worse than any failure I’ve ever had. It’s one thing to fail a class, or a test, or to complete a task… I feel like it’d be another entirely to fail at being me.

As long as you’re true to yourself, you can never fail at being you.

But what about people I care for? What if they hate the real me, or what I become chasing after that goal?

Then they weren’t who you thought they were, and didn’t care about you and your happiness as much as you do about them. Kid, you’re being a bigger failure to yourself by suppressing your wants and goals than if you tried and failed. As long as you don’t want to be a killer, or criminal, or what have you… then you’ll only be a better you by doing it.

I’m just… So scared to try. It’s easier to do nothing and look lazy but still have the people I care about… And not face a reality that might hurt.

It’s easier… but it feels wrong, doesn’t it?

Yeah…

Hurts a lot, doesn’t it?

Yeah…

You’re constantly tearing yourself apart over this, and it hurts to watch you suffer silently. Stop it. Start writing out what you want to do, who you want to be… and work for it. And now that I’m making you write it down here, people can see it, and comment encouragement or check in on you. So you have no excuse not to.

… Sharing a mind with you is not always a joy.

Only because I’m like a mother you can’t escape. And you love me. After all, I was your first personification of the real you, with nothing but my own demon to hold me back. Well, and enemy ninja. And angry old people. And how many times did I get stabbed?

Eh hehehe… ^^’

Monologued Dialogue

The Adventure Begins

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Need some help figuring out who is Me and who is Shorty? Head over to our “Meet the Family” Page to find out!

Well, this is it… I actually did it and started a blog. I’ve been thinking about it for a few months now, but… It was an okay idea when I had more money and all, but…

Don’t be so concerned, kid. You’re smart and creative, so it’ll all work out well. Just relax, do your think, and I’ll be here to help.

Are you sure? I mean… You’re not exactly the one paying for it, or writing things, or anything! I’ve got to manage all this, and line up art, and code things, and-

I said relax. You’ve got friends to support your efforts, and you’re a great writer. Your art isn’t always the best, but… Well, you’ll figure that part out!

I guess you’re right. We’ll see how this goes. And I guess this little conversation can be how we kick off this adventure! Let’s do this!