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Kendra's Thoughts

The Fading Light of Our Heroes – My Thoughts After The Loss of Dolly Parton and Tim Curry

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I’m not going to beat around the bush: My heart and soul are broken this week. To lose our beloved light of hope and kindness, then just a few hours later lose one of the best actors the world has ever seen… It’s hard. Both Dolly and Tim did a lot of things, even just looking at their careers, that have impacted the lives around them.

I will admit, while Tim is a huge hit, Dolly is the one I cried about. I hadn’t even truly begun processing her loss when the news about Tim broke. It’s taken a lot to keep moving forward so far this week, and it got harder hearing the voice of a character my grandmother loved passed yesterday as well, Peter Cullen.

I know it might seem a little unfair to mention him here but not include him in the title, but his loss hurts me because of the connection to my grandmother and my growing up with Optimus Prime. I was not as truly impacted by his (amazing) work like I was Tim Curry and especially Dolly.

I also know more big names than just these three have been lost this week, but they are unfortunately names that I am not familiar with even after looking up what I might know them from.

The first role of Tim Curry’s that I can remember seeing as a kid was from FernGully. His amazing work in his roll as Hexxus made a pretty large impact on a young me and helped it remain firmly in my memory as a great movie about the importance of caring for nature. Likewise, the Wild Thornberrys showed me new animals and parts of nature I hadn’t dreamed of before then, and watching Nigel’s enthusiasm for creatures was only matched in my mind by the love Steve Irwin had for even those creatures most of us would turn away from.

As I grew older and became aware of more of the world around me, I was introduced to Rocky Horror and IT. While I didn’t know at the time that they would end up being strongly connected to various parts of my life, they certainly were. Admittedly, I didn’t watch all of Rocky Horror until I was in my early 20s, and I still haven’t watched IT in any form. (I really just do not have the attention span for most television and movies. Even the stuff I do “watch”, I really kinda just throw it on in the background and kind of absorb it while I do other things unless it is EXTREMELY interesting to me.) But I am a writer, a lover of the supernatural, and in the LGBTQIA+ crowd. These movies, even if they did not directly impact me and I didn’t watch the one until most of my formative years were done, have had a large impact on the culture and world around me that resonates in many ways with who I am and who I am growing to be.

Honestly, I know there are even more roles Tim did that have impacted me, but as I write this, it’s hard to enumerate it all. The man was a truly talented actor, able to fit into so many roles, and there have been many times where it’s been a while before I realized it was him in a role I loved.

Dolly, on the other hand… Dolly has been an inspiration on how to be a better human for years. Her love and kindness for those around her, her want to help and inspire people, her work to improve childhood literacy, all of it is worthy of being the goals of all those around us. She has been a light of kindness and hope, her music resonating with many around the world. She was never afraid to uplift another person, give a kind word, share the spotlight with others. We’ve all been able to see wonderful things come from our beloved Dolly, and she will be thoroughly missed.

The music world has been rocked the last couple years by several important losses, and now, about a year after we lost our Prince of Darkness, we’ve lost our Queen of Country as well.

It’s easy to be absolutely shattered by these losses. Dolly is one of only a handful of celebrity deaths that I have legitimately cried over. She likely won’t be the last, though I can only think of one for sure off the top of my head. I think it’s also easy, and I feel like I’ve seen this commented here and there since Tuesday, to think that there are no other people of that level of light and love to fill this massive hole Dolly leaves behind. But I also know I’ve seen this sentiment over others we’ve lost in my adulthood. But I also think that’s not actually true.

This post has already gotten longer than I’d intended, and I still have more I want to include, but that is a creative writing piece I’ve put together that’s inspired by the emotions I’ve experienced these last couple of days. I’ll include that below, but first, let me leave you with my final, out of character thoughts.

People like Dolly Parton and Tim Curry impact a lot of lives, through their art or how they interact with the people around them. We see what they do, and it can shape how we go forth and engage the world around them. They aren’t the first impactful people we’ve lost, people we’ve learned from and grown from interacting with their work. I hate to say it, but they won’t be the last. Most of us will never have the reach and impact that these amazing people have had, no matter how hard we try.

But we don’t need to. We don’t need to be award winning artists, chart topping musicians, or phenomenal actors. What we need is to be kind, caring, and looking out for each other. Through being the best humans we can be, we honor their work, their lives, and their memories. And I don’t know about you, but that’s what I want to do from here.

We have more amazing people growing around us every day, big and small. People who, without any regard of what it will do for them, go out of their way to help others and teach those around them. Let us mourn those beacons we’ve lost, but not lose sight of the lights growing around us.

Let us all support and uplift each other, help those lights grow brighter and shine for all to see. Let’s all be better humans.

Thank you for reading. I don’t get a lot of views here, partly because I’ve struggled to be consistent with my posts. But my goal has never been to reach people far and wide. It’s just been to help anyone I can, even if it’s just one person whose life I change for the better by writing my stories or sharing my thoughts. And now, I’ll share a bit of a combo of those. A short piece I’ve written that I think I’ll call “The Fall of the Old Guard”.

Enjoy.

The Fall of the Old Guard

The world began looking bleak as the old guard fell. Their lives were spent inspiring the rest of us and improving the world around them, all coming to various ends as the years wore on. All of them were expected, give the age of the heroes we admired, except the guardian of nature, leaving us far too soon due to a tragic accident. He left his legacy in the hands of his loving family, who have carried on in his place, continuing to share the wonders of the world and the creatures we share it with.

These heroes of the people fell slowly, one-by-one, over the course of years until one, the seet grandmotherly type, joined the rest of our role models on the other side.

Not a one of the old guard had any special magic powers, no superhuman abilities. Despite this, each used what they did have to make the world better. They taught us to care for the other inhabitants of this world and the places they call home, how to respect and care for each other regardless of our differences, the importance of laughter and friendship, the necessity of helping defend those around us, what it looks like to gracefully accept a mistake and embrace the lessons it can teach, the magic of music and how it can break down walls between us, and so much more.

When the sweet grandmother left us, the world seemed to be growing darker and scarier by the day. Hostile forces on all fronts threatened violence, or simply to make some of us no longer count as worthy compared to those around us. It felt like one of our brightest rays of light had left us when we needed her most.

But she didn’t leave us empty handed. None of the old guard had. We still had all the lessons they’d taught us, the love for each other and the world at large that they had shown us, and we already had a new generation of heroes rising behind them.

Though my heart was broken, thoroughly shattered, when our grandmother went where we could not simply follow, I saw the most important lesson the old guard had given us, one the new guard seemed to be embracing as well: Anyone could be a hero, give light to another’s life. You didn’t need to be rich or famous, and your actions did not need to be flashy or even noticed by any around you. A smile in passing, a hand up when we fall, a shoulder in hard times. Small gestures that may cost you nothing, may not even be much effort for you, but could mean the world to another.

While hatred and violence have become loud and impossible to ignore, I see everyday heroes rising to defend their neighbors, giving what they can to those in need, and pressing hard on people in charge to help and protect all people and creatures of the world.

There will always be people filled with malice and anger in the world. That is unlikely to ever completely go away. But as we learned from the old guard how to be better and do better, we too can teach those who come after us how to care for one another and the world as a whole. The more of us embrace the lessons of love, care, and hope the old guard has given us, the more of us become a part of the new guard, and the more we can pass down these lessons and help the next generations.

Each of us who follow the old guard’s ways grow the new guard’s ranks and honor their memories and legacies. We in turn become the heroes of love and light for those growing up around us, even if we only reach the kids nearest us.

We don’t need to be rich or famous. We only need to learn from our happy little accidents, be good neighbors, protect the beauties living in nature around us, be a friend, be kind, know how and when to share laughter and stories, and use our voices to call out the hatred and vileness in the world.

The light of our heroes must eventually fade, but they have given us each a lantern, flashlight, torch, or candle. Let’s all step up to fill the voids as the old guard we’ve loved and learned from pass from this world to the next. Together, we can shine the light of hope for the future and protect each other from those who would hurt any of us. Let’s use what we’ve been given, and light the world with hope and love.

Kendra's Thoughts, Updates

Growth of a Writer – How I Have Grown and Improved in My Craft

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Something I’m learning as I put actual effort into writing a project that I actually, truly, completely intend to one day publish is that… writing is a lot harder when it isn’t just for fun.

I’ve been writing in some form or another for fun since elementary school. One of my earliest memories of writing as for a writing club in the 3rd or 4th grade. (It was a spooky ghost story that I do not at all remember the plot of. But there was a skeleton key, I remember that much.) I wasn’t super consistent on specific projects as a little kid, but I did do it.

At some point, I found role-playing through Neopets forums. I made my first OC based on Naruto, and she has evolved and stayed with me since.

Spoiler alert, it’s me, Shorty Scorch, I’m the OC. And yes, I am still here.

Shorty, this was meant to be a solo post.

I am fully aware. And I decided… nah, this will be both of us. I’m a large part of your adventure and journey, it feels fair I get to be here for this.

Well, I guess this does at least show what I mean by you’ve evolved and stayed with me. Shorty’s not tied to the Naruto-verse anymore, and has her own stand-alone world that I’m developing.

She still does some roleplays on occasion, though only with one person at this point. It’s a lot of work to find stable writing partners that want to write the same thing as you.

I suppose that brings up a good point. I should clarify, the roleplaying I do is game or writing, nothing more than that. And not the “pretend you’re this and reacting to that” kind of writing, either. Where two or more people write a story together. It’s basically D&D without the dice and DM.

And without the complicated rules, you’re literally just trying to make a fun story with another person or people.

Anyway, I got into roleplaying, and I started writing my first story. It didn’t get finished, and I don’t even remember where exactly it was going. I do recall it was a fantasy story about a group of girls discovering that not only are dragons real, but they each had a dragon to bond with.

From there, my stories evolved and grew as I learned. Going back and writing some of my earliest work I can find, I can see the growth.

Doesn’t mean she’s the best writer in the world now, just that she’s better than she once was.

Pretty much. I’ve stopped comparing myself to other writers I read, and started just comparing myself to myself. If my writing is improving over time, then I’m doing my job as a writer correctly by learning and growing.

I’m currently working on my worldbuilding skills. I know I also need to improve with regards to descriptions, of characters and places. Action scenes are also on my list. And pacing is something I will always need to improve on. After all, some stories need to be super fast paced, and some a bit slower. It all depends on the kind of story you’re trying to tell.

She also needs to start figuring out editing and reworking, if she wants to publish anything she’s currently working on.

True. And Just Super might stop being posted from this point, depending. I do want to publish it as a book, and I don’t want to put the whole story online ahead of time. But, I haven’t decided yet. What goes on the blog is a rough draft, after all.

All of this is to say… If you’re interested in something, get started. You may be surprised where you end up. Am I some huge successful author, with several best selling books out and making money? No, nor do I expect to be. I’m going to be happy having even just one book published in my lifetime, even if I have to do it myself.

But I am better than I was yesterday. I sometimes wonder how good an artist I could have been, had I not decided I was trash and put zero effort into improving. I will never, however, wonder how good of a writer I could have been, because this is my passion. I’ve loved writing for a long time. And as a little kid, I never could have imagined I would actually get this far, having my own blog that actually gets read by other people.

Thanks for reading, and following us down memory lane. Maybe one day, I’ll be able to post a follow-up to this about where I’ve grown from here.

Monologued Dialogue, Updates

An approximately 6 month check in – Where have we been?

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Man, it’s been a minute, hasn’t it? We haven’t posted anything since May, and that was just sharing a few spreadsheets I’ve made to help other gamers with specific game tracking things.

And it’s been an eventful few months. You started a new job, got in a car wreck, lost two puppers, and got a new car.

I didn’t need the reminder about the puppers… But for our readers, I had a little dog, we’d guess about 3 or 4 years old, that my mother had taken in when he was found wandering near her house. No one claimed him after they looked for his owner, so Mom kept him until Dad wanted him out of the house because he wasn’t fully trained. (And Dad was looking to get a different dog, admittedly.) So, little Phil came to live with me, my cats, my brother, and my brother’s old basset hound named River.

Phil was a cute little stinker, wasn’t he?

Yes, he was. But I couldn’t get him house trained. A year later and I was still struggling, but then his health took a dive. Come to find out, poor little guy was extremely diabetic, and it was time to start twice daily insulin shots. I did my best to get his numbers under control, but I was still working a dead-end job with little income, so I was also trying to find a home that could give him the care that he needed. Unfortunately, he took another bad dive and passed before I could find someone who could help him better than I could. That was around the end of May, and the exact same day that a woman I’ve seen as another grandmother and my mother’s cousin passed away. I’ve heard that death comes in threes, but they aren’t usually all on the same day.

On the plus side, you started a new job at the start of July. One that pays better, you already had a friend on the team you joined, and that took some stress off of you.

True. But then in August, I was in a wreck that totaled my car and took me a while to recover from mentally. Physically, the worst I had was a jammed finger and a chipped tooth. Mentally… Well, I’m still not completely recovered, but I’m not flinching from being “too close” to another car anymore. I also did manage to get a nice car after I got the insurance payout.

Things were quieter for you for a few months, at least. September and October weren’t too terrible.

Until River started to pass. He was an old dog, the family’s had him for years. He used to be Mom’s, too, but the brother that lives with me wanted him, and he was getting cranky with the younger and more energetic dogs around Mom’s house, so… He came to live with us! For a bit, he actually was a truck dog and went out with my brother in the semi every week. He loved that! But my brother changed to a different company and wasn’t allowed to have a dog in the truck anymore, so River stayed home. At least things were still calm here, as the cats didn’t bother him. Three of them actually ignored him, but my little orange cat, Flareon, loved him to pieces. Phil didn’t even bother him much when we eventually got him, preferring to play with energetic Flareon instead.

Man, Flareon did not take losing either of them well, did she?

No, she didn’t. She moped and looked for Phil for a solid month. It broke my heart, watching her look for her buddy. At least with River, she was able to see him declining, so it wasn’t as sudden. She’s still definitely been a little mopey, but not nearly as bad.

Well, let’s look at some happier things- What about the project you’re actively working on?

I’ve actually made a decent bit of headway on the start of a new story project: The Rose Queen – First Queen. That’s the temporary title, it may change before publishing. I’m also not yet sure if it’ll be published here, or if I’ll try to get it turned into a book and book series. I have ideas for a couple of follow up books, but I’m not 100% on them yet. But I’ve gotten the intro written for The Rose Queen, and I’ve got a full outline and an idea of how the world itself works.

So, magic, fantasy, sci-fi? What do we have?

It’s definitely a fantasy type story, with magic rather than tech. It’s hard to describe without giving a lot of the story away, but put simply, life is very different for the people of that world than the people of this one. Living areas are nothing like what we have, the social structure is different to a degree, and how people cooperate and survive is adjusted to that.

You can give at least a little overview, to get readers hyped for it, right?

Well… We’ll be following 23 year old Thorn, an illusionist living in District 92, the poorest district in her area. While helping her friends, she is affected by the actions of a serial killer in the district known as “The Stalker” by the residents. No one knows who this is, or why they are doing what they are, but after someone close to Thorn is taken, she starts to take a bigger interest in bringing justice to the crimes in District 92.

What about your other, big, 7 book project? How’s that going? I mean, I know, considering I’m just you, but what about for our readers?

Well, I’m in a holding pattern on that one at the moment. I know what I want to do, it’s just how to do it and how to get from point a to point b that’s evading me. It’s a project that will, honestly, take a long time. Even though 5 of the books will be the same story from different perspectives, there will be scenes in some that aren’t in the others, and how each character retells the tale will differ based on what they see as important and how they talk and think. For example, an analytical type will recall more details that led to various actions on their part, a fashionista may recall more what people wore and how things looked, and someone about the action over anything else may remember more of what people did and less of what they said. It’s both a look at how different characters are written, and how different people will remember the same exact events.

That’s pretty interesting, actually. Even when two people see the exact same thing, you’re right that they will focus on different parts of it and therefore remember it a bit differently. Even if the major points add up to the same thing for both of them, the small details will differ.

Exactly! It’s going to be a difficult project for me, but that’s half the fun. I’m looking forward to my next inspiration spurt for it. Until then, I’ve got The Rose Queen to work on. I’m trying not to start any other projects for the time being, so I don’t overload myself like I’ve done in the past. We’ll see how that goes from here! Let us know if you think I should post The Rose Queen here, or if you’d rather I go straight for book form!

Kendra's Mental Health Central

The Benefits of Writing

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I’ve been writing various things for quite some time. The first experience I had with writing stories, at least that made me love writing, was in third grade. We started to do short story writing, and I have a vague memory of some sort of writing club in my class.

Naturally, my stories were childhood goofiness and unrefined at that point. That didn’t matter to me, as it was the act of writing that made me happy. Even the act of sharing the story wasn’t as important, though it was fun.

No, the creation of adventure, a new world, and new friends was the point. My passion for writing went right along with my love of reading. No matter what was going on around me, regardless of how people around me behaved, I could escape at any time into a new world.

These feelings hit home in September of that year. The 11th, specifically. I remember vividly, being gathered in one classroom to watch the news on the smartboard. Most of us didn’t completely understand what was happening, until our teachers explained: The nation was under attack.

That day, the world began to become scary. The scarier the world, the more I would read or dabble at writing. I could escape into books or onto a page, and I could decide just how scary things would get when I wrote.

I’ve learned more about myself by writing than I think I ever could have without it. I’ve learned that I cope with stress by escaping until I can truly comprehend what I think and feel about something. Often, I cope with grief through tears and then a brief escape, and escape that reminds me of who or what I’ve lost.

But I’ve also learned that I can step back and consider more sides than just my own. I can treat all sides of an argument as equal, particularly when the situation is one of subjectivity. The skill of thinking like another came to me sometime in middle or high school, both when reading or writing.

Today, I have a lot that I’ve gained from writing. Shorty Scorch, my “cohort” for this blog, was created sometime in middle school or late elementary. She’s evolved and grown much as I have, to the point that she’s the rational voice in my head.

Shorty was created to be what I hoped to be when I was grown up. She was powerful, a ninja, and a hero. Shorty was cool, and smart.

I originally based Shorty off ninja I saw on TV, specifically Naruto. She, like the title character, harbored a demon because that was cool and heroic, battling demons. She was both beloved and an outcast. Basically, she was me and Naruto combined. I wasn’t a very creative child.

As I’ve grown, however, so has she. Her latest iterations separate her from the world of Naruto. She’s a warrior, though not necessarily a ninja, and she no longer has to have a demon. Her personality has matured, regardless of what age she appears as.

Inversely, as Shorty has grown, so have I. As she matures, so, too, do I. The situations she is in makes me stop and consider what would happen in each outcome of the situation. Should she react with force, what could happen? What if she were to talk her way out of things? Should she show compassion, or indifference? Hostility? If she dislikes someone on first contact, why? What has set her off so? How does she respond if she finds she is wrong about a person? Does she own up to her mistakes, as she makes them?

All of these questions can be applied to me. Indeed, they can be applied to us all. Such things are hard to do in the moment, but can be useful in retrospect and in a quiet moment to consider yourself. The other part of her character, at least originally, that can apply to us all: The demon.

Shorty had her demon for many years. I was around 7 or 8 when I first created her, yet the demon only began to disappear around 20 years later. The demon only began to disappear when I realized what it truly represented.

The demon, a fire cat creature by the name of Linio, was a subconscious way for me to show that Shorty had problems. She had her own struggles that others would and could never understand. Others might have similar problems, a demon of their own for example, but they did not suffer in the same way she did. Likewise, she did not suffer the same way they did. At some point, Shorty always came to terms with her demon, striking a deal which kept her family safe, and yet let the demon do some damage in combat.

Linio was a representation of so many things. Physical and mental illness, a person’s surrounding condition, a struggle with where to go from here… And the list goes on.

And as the writing for Shorty grew, I realized I was specifically reflecting my demons onto Linio: Depression and anxiety. Linio could be a debilitating issue for Shorty, causing her to lose control or be unable to do anything. Yet, dealing with Linio caused Shorty to grow. She learned to use her issue to her advantage, in a literal sense.

I have learned much the same with my depression. I write on this blog to entertain, to educate, and with the hope that I help someone in a way that various media and creators have helped me. I hope to inspire others to create, in their own way. You don’t have to be good at it, so long as you enjoy it.

I like to write, as an escape and a way to have control when I feel I have none. I doodle as a way to help clear my mind, or just keep my hands busy when I’m thinking. And if you’ve seen the new logo for the blog, you’ll know I’m no hand at art or design. You may even feel that I’m no hand at writing, and that’s your opinion to have.

But I am happy. I am learning, about myself and the world around me. And I am finding my way to attempt to aid others, with articles like this. Writing can teach you so much, about yourself and the world around you. Or, it can help you get your feelings out, so that you learn your mind better and can control it better. I hope this long, rambling article can help show you that, and inspire you to take up a creative hobby.