Tag Archives: growth

Monologued Dialogue

Growth

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You’re growing.

… Look, I know I’ve put on a little weight, but I’m working on that. No need to call me out, sheesh.

That’s not what I meant and you know it, dork. You aren’t needing me to get through the day anymore. There’s still room for me, a place for my existence, but I’m not needed. Just wanted. I’m okay with that.

I mean… I’m learning how to manage myself better. Handle my stress better. I suppose I am doing it without asking you to take an active role in the process. But I am calling on my deities more, isn’t that just replacing you with a different power?

No. The difference is in how you’re doing it. You allow your deities to answer questions and help guide, but they mostly aren’t taking a direct active role. With me, you wanted direct and active help.

You aren’t worried I’ll get rid of you, are you?

Of course not. Look at how I’ve evolved as we’ve grown. So long as you have a goal to strive for, I will be that goal personified. Wasn’t that how you first thought of me, after removing my original fandom origins? A version of you that you wanted to be. Has that really changed?

No, not really. You have, but not that.

Your coping mechanisms have changed. Your goals have changed, and grown. But I will always be here, walking with you through the fires and across the lands.

Thanks, Shorty. I think… I think I needed this.

Kendra's Thoughts, Letters

A Letter To Myself – 32 Year Old to 22 Year Old

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To preface this letter, I want to say that this idea was inspired by the song “Crave” by Paramore. It’s really put a lot of my past in perspective simply by making me look at it from where I am now.

Dear 22 Year Old Me,

Life is tough. Right now, you’re struggling with depression and not understanding why you aren’t seeing things the way those around you are. Two years out of college, living far from your safety net. Every day is something new, something unpredictable.

I want to tell you, you’ll be okay. You can make it through this and come out stronger. Indulge your curious nature and learn all you can about the world around you. Expand your passions and embrace them. Take it all one step at a time, but do not be afraid to ask for help.

When you get to where we are now, you’re going to look back on these ten years and realize… You don’t want to change a second of it. After all you will learn about yourself, after all you will overcome, you will come out of this stretch a stronger person.

Embrace the changes as they come. Learn and grow, every chance you get. I know you can, because I know you will. We get to this point not by hiding away when things get hard, but by taking the problems head on and refusing to back down. To quote the song that inspired this letter, “Look up and see a reflection of someone who never gave way to the pain.”

There will be days where it seems better to just give up. But remember that the best option and the easy option aren’t always the same. Giving up is easy, but pushing through and growing is far more rewarding.

The world is going to get scarier. A lot of things out of your control will change around you and even out from under you. While you may not have all the tools to handle it right now, you will when they hit. No matter how scared you are, keep moving forward and let your friends, family, and faith guide you. Be open to the changes in your perspective, and to the perspectives of those around you. That will give you everything you need to make it through.

You’re going to find love, and heartbreak. You’re going to gain very important people to your life, and you’re going to lose some too. These are the rules of the game, and you can’t change them. But how you handle them will change everything.

Remember that you are loved, you underestimate yourself even more than your opponents do, and you are your biggest obstacle. You can also be your biggest ally if you just allow yourself to try.

Keep learning, keep growing, and keep looking out for those around you. Making a difference even for just one person is worth all the effort.

Love always,
32 Year Old Me

Kendra's Thoughts, Updates

Fighting Through Blocks, and Ideas for This Site’s Future

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Today has been… insane. I went to work, had a normal morning after a tough day yesterday, and went to lunch with my brother while he was in town running errands.

Then, a notification hit my phone. Today, I’ve gotten 85 views so far. This is over double my last highest, from June!

While I’ve been able to write a few things and get a few ideas since June’s post, I haven’t made any progress on my current projects. This happens even to professional and published writer’s.

I actually had the pleasure to meet a published author, Brian Paone, at a book release for his newest book, These Walls Still Talk, last month. We met last year while he was finishing writing it, and I got to ask him about the publishing industry. He was really cool to talk to, as an aspiring author, and my mom and I picked up a few of his books while there. I mentioned struggling with where I’m at in my book, and Brian gave me a bit of insight into his own rough areas while writing. It’s really cool to know a published author has his own struggles with the art form.

All this fan-girling (I am a huge fan at this point, quite honestly) is just to say… that interaction helped my confidence as a writer a bit. I’ve come to realize that, maybe, by documenting my struggles with finishing and publishing my first book, I may similarly be able to help inspire and boost the confidence of future aspiring authors.

I’m going to try a few new things to help de-stress myself in the hopes that will help loosen up the writer’s block, including actually taking up journaling. While my current sights are only on publishing a book and certainly not on getting famous or making loads of money, I still want to use what I learn as I go to help others who stand beside me now in their own journeys or come after me in the future.

If I one day gain even a small fan following, I want to be able to help my fans like Brian has now done for me.

On that note, here are my thoughts on this blog going forward.

Right now, and honestly for the foreseeable future, this blog is rough and raw. Aside from typos I catch after posting or small updates that need made, I don’t edit what goes up here. It all flows from the brain to the keyboard as is. If you’ve read a few non-story posts, I’m sure you’ll have noted the rambly nature of them.

Story posts are similar. While I might edit a tad as I write it, all story posts that go up on this site are first drafts. I only edit later if I see a typo that’s bothering me or a phrasing comes off way wrong for what I meant, but never huge content changes.

I plan to continue that style here for now. It may change as I continue to develop as a writer, but while this blog remains a hobby and a side project that I cannot afford to devote more time to, that’s what I will stick with.

I am going to start brainstorming a few smaller projects like Taking Back the Kingdom to post here as dedicated blog stories. Shorter than a typical novel and unedited, but something to entertain people. I don’t have ideas for that plan yet, but once I have one I hope to be able to post an update a month to it.

I haven’t had a good monologued dialogue gor quite a while, so Shorty and I may be back with those monthly or bi-monthly as well. I haven’t decided yet, as writing those takes a lot of energy for me.

But the important point is… I want to give this blog more energy, more time, and more love. I can’t continue to grow by waiting for eyes and then creating content for them. I have to start having the content ready for when these small waves in viewership happen, in the hopes that either someone will come back for more or something I write sticks with them in a way that improves their lives.

Thank you for reading, and if you stick around for the journey ahead, I hope I live up to your expectations. (And go check out Brian at his link above, show him some love for me!)

Kendra's Thoughts, Updates

Growth of a Writer – How I Have Grown and Improved in My Craft

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Something I’m learning as I put actual effort into writing a project that I actually, truly, completely intend to one day publish is that… writing is a lot harder when it isn’t just for fun.

I’ve been writing in some form or another for fun since elementary school. One of my earliest memories of writing as for a writing club in the 3rd or 4th grade. (It was a spooky ghost story that I do not at all remember the plot of. But there was a skeleton key, I remember that much.) I wasn’t super consistent on specific projects as a little kid, but I did do it.

At some point, I found role-playing through Neopets forums. I made my first OC based on Naruto, and she has evolved and stayed with me since.

Spoiler alert, it’s me, Shorty Scorch, I’m the OC. And yes, I am still here.

Shorty, this was meant to be a solo post.

I am fully aware. And I decided… nah, this will be both of us. I’m a large part of your adventure and journey, it feels fair I get to be here for this.

Well, I guess this does at least show what I mean by you’ve evolved and stayed with me. Shorty’s not tied to the Naruto-verse anymore, and has her own stand-alone world that I’m developing.

She still does some roleplays on occasion, though only with one person at this point. It’s a lot of work to find stable writing partners that want to write the same thing as you.

I suppose that brings up a good point. I should clarify, the roleplaying I do is game or writing, nothing more than that. And not the “pretend you’re this and reacting to that” kind of writing, either. Where two or more people write a story together. It’s basically D&D without the dice and DM.

And without the complicated rules, you’re literally just trying to make a fun story with another person or people.

Anyway, I got into roleplaying, and I started writing my first story. It didn’t get finished, and I don’t even remember where exactly it was going. I do recall it was a fantasy story about a group of girls discovering that not only are dragons real, but they each had a dragon to bond with.

From there, my stories evolved and grew as I learned. Going back and writing some of my earliest work I can find, I can see the growth.

Doesn’t mean she’s the best writer in the world now, just that she’s better than she once was.

Pretty much. I’ve stopped comparing myself to other writers I read, and started just comparing myself to myself. If my writing is improving over time, then I’m doing my job as a writer correctly by learning and growing.

I’m currently working on my worldbuilding skills. I know I also need to improve with regards to descriptions, of characters and places. Action scenes are also on my list. And pacing is something I will always need to improve on. After all, some stories need to be super fast paced, and some a bit slower. It all depends on the kind of story you’re trying to tell.

She also needs to start figuring out editing and reworking, if she wants to publish anything she’s currently working on.

True. And Just Super might stop being posted from this point, depending. I do want to publish it as a book, and I don’t want to put the whole story online ahead of time. But, I haven’t decided yet. What goes on the blog is a rough draft, after all.

All of this is to say… If you’re interested in something, get started. You may be surprised where you end up. Am I some huge successful author, with several best selling books out and making money? No, nor do I expect to be. I’m going to be happy having even just one book published in my lifetime, even if I have to do it myself.

But I am better than I was yesterday. I sometimes wonder how good an artist I could have been, had I not decided I was trash and put zero effort into improving. I will never, however, wonder how good of a writer I could have been, because this is my passion. I’ve loved writing for a long time. And as a little kid, I never could have imagined I would actually get this far, having my own blog that actually gets read by other people.

Thanks for reading, and following us down memory lane. Maybe one day, I’ll be able to post a follow-up to this about where I’ve grown from here.