All posts by Kendra Short

Poetry

Throwback Thursday – Poetry Edition Part 1

Leave a comment

It’s Thursday! And I recently re-found some of my old poetry. It’s… A thing. I wrote a few poems in late middle school and early high school. I think they’re okay, though certainly not my best work. But, I have received a compliment or two on them.

So, I’m going to share some of them here. These were originally posted to my Mibba account years ago, so if you Google them and find them there, that’s why. (Don’t mind the not-so-great, unfinished stories there, if you go looking. I might eventually revisit a couple of them, but they’ll be better written, I think.) There are a couple of “songs” I wrote as well that will be posted here as poetry, for what are musical lyrics if not a brand of poetry? I never got music put to them, so it’s just lyrics. And keep in mind I was in a depressive child/teen state when I wrote these, so… Bear with me.

Without further ado, there is “The Night”

The Night

The dark night wakes me up
Where others now sleep.
I quietly travel outside
To look at the stars,
All as nocturnal as I
And as distant from the world.
I sit at the base of a tree,
Face upturned as if for warmth,
And a smile spreads across my face.
This is where I belong,
Alone in the dark
With only the stars to guide me.
The night air is softer than any pillow
And the moon brighter than any lamp
The bats come out to hunt
And I watch their nightly dance.
It is my favorite thing in the world
To see my friends flying around.
I feel released as I watch them
Traveling out of view.
I push the thought of having to leave
Out of my peace-deprived mind.
My joy this night will not be ruined.
I wait in quiet bliss
For my friends to return,
My sign to return home
And wait for the night to fall again.
The sun begins to rise
And the bats return once more.
I sigh and go inside,
And, in a few minutes, open my eyes
From my night of ease of spirit
To my day of dreams and unrest.
But I take comfort in the knowledge
That night will soon fall again.

Kendra's Mental Health Central

Why A Relatively Successful Woman Can Feel Like A Failure

Leave a comment

I am a relatively successful woman. I bought my first brand new car without help, minus making sure it was a decent deal, and I needed no cosigner for my house.

I graduated tech school and immediately found work, and I make friends easily. I excel at most things I attempt. This isn’t bragging, it’s explanation for why people consider me relatively successful.

Then again, I feel like a complete failure and loser.

I never feel like I’m living up to what my mother wants for me, but when I try to do things her way, I feel empty and like a lie. When I do what I want, or try to, I feel like everyone is just waiting for me to fail, or I can’t afford it, or I can’t prioritize it.

I want to be a writer. I feel like I’m decent at writing. But I get demotivated because I get little support. I want to learn new languages, and I am making progress on Japanese and Spanish. But then, a lot of people think I’m stupid or it’s a waste of time.

Playing piano or drums or guitar- too expensive and time consuming. Learning to smith? I would love to be a blacksmith, but when I tell people, I hear how a girl isn’t strong enough to be a real smith. I would clearly only want to do delicate stuff because it wouldn’t be as hard.

My biggest dream? To be a modern day ninja, in terms of skills. Classes for the skills I want to hone are too far away or too expensive. People scoff at me, because that’s such a childish dream. Why don’t I work on something more productive and serious?

But the biggest reason I feel like a failure… I want to be a good girlfriend, but I am scared. I am scared I am going to screw everything up, or not be enough, or be too pushy. Or, that I’ll just be used again.

My previous attempt at a relationship, before my current boyfriend, was… bad. He just wanted a good time, and when I pushed for a relationship, he split. I found out later that he’d been married at the time. Now, I’m afraid to fall for the same trap.

Though, I’ve never enjoyed being very physical in a relationship. Sex is okay, on occasion, but my first sexual relationship started to feel like that was all that mattered. Every time we got together, that was all we did. Between that, and being used… I don’t want sex. But I’ve never been a big cuddler. Never been a big kisser. Hugs, occasionally, sure, but… that’s about it. Most men want some form of non-verbal evidence of attraction, but… I just can’t provide that.

So, I feel like a failure. A failure who really needs therapy. But, being on a temp contract, I have no insurance and very little money.

Therapy is expensive, y’all. Even the “cheap” therapy places I see advertised are expensive. I need to get back to therapy, I think it would help a lot. But I cannot afford it. Even with insurance, not sure I could afford it.

So, I’ll muddle through. Pretending I’m not dying inside, trying to balance my true self against what everyone else wants me to be. Trying to be the girlfriend my boyfriend needs, even though I know it’s not comfortable for me.

But, I know that out there, others are handling the same things. And if they find me, they’ll give me a hand up. I would do the same for them. There’s help somewhere, affordable help, I just have to find it.

Life Is Super, Stories

Life Is Super – Part 3

Leave a comment

It only took about an hour to get everything handled and their parents to pick them up. Sadly, for me, it was Teddy’s mom that came to get him, so no public scolding there. I had met her before, and she was a nice lady. Too bad Teddy didn’t follow her example. She did apologize to me and made Teddy do so, and she even gave me a bag of homemade cookies. Sweet!

The other boys were led off without a word by their folks, though there was a lot of disappointment in the looks I saw. Ah, justice!

Before we left, Chief, the chief of police, asked us to come say hi in his office.

“Finally got your powers! Congrats, kid!” He beamed at me. “Think you’re rested enough to show me what you’ve got?”

“Totally!” I can only imagine my grin was as big as his. I threw up my block from earlier… But no ice. Instead, my arm caught on fire!

Smiles faded into looks of shock and confusion. The fire didn’t burn, my arm simply felt a little warm until it dissipated.

“But… you had ice earlier?” Dad was clearly out of his element- No pun intended.

“Maybe… she’s a dualie?” Chief was always one to try to explain things best he could.

Dualies weren’t unheard of, users of two powers. There had even been a few with three or more powers, though that was about once or twice a generation. Dualies were maybe in 3% of the population. But I had never heard of a Dualie with opposing powers. Either they were unrelated powers, like an element with super strength, or they were complementary, like air with flight.

“Maybe… we should go out to the practice yard and see what exactly you can do, Alex,” My father suggested. I nodded, and the three of us headed outside.

Out in the practice yard, Dad and Chief had me try to use my powers for nearly two hours. It was insane! The fire powers only lasted for about 15 minutes, then I had no power again. After a few minutes, I was a Speedster, darting around in the blink of an eye! That lasted about five minutes before i had a powerless stretch. Next came flight, though that nearly ended badly. Chief caught me when I dropped half an hour in.

On and on it went, though- Power for a stretch, and about five minutes recharge time. I got ice and speed twice, and they each lasted for different lengths of time. By the end, at least I was beginning to be able to tell when my powers would fade.

“This… this is extraordinary, John. I need to make a phone call. There’s someone who should see this,” Chief finally announced. I took a short break while he got out his cell and dialed a number. “Hello, Dean- Sorry to call so late. I know you’re home by now, but… well, there’s something you need to see. Come to the station, the practice yard. And pronto.”

“Uh… who is Dean?” Dad asked when Chief hung up.

“Regional director of the Collectors. Normally, I would’ve recommended Alex for the junior officer’s program, if she wanted to take that path still-“

“Duh!” Being a cop was my dream, whereas a lot of my peers wanted to join the Collectors.

“But we aren’t prepared for a special case like this. I doubt Dean has ever seen anything like this either, but the Collectors are better prepared for… unique situations.”

“My daughter is not joining the Collectors at 16. They don’t even accept applicants until 21!” Dad protested.

“They make exceptions. Alexis will have to have a safe place to practice with this… Randomness, either way. The Collectors can provide that better than anyone.”

“Um.. hi, yeah, subject of convo here- Don’t I get some kinda say in this?” I asked, baffled. I really hadn’t considered the Collectors for a career before, but… I wasn’t sure I wanted to be part of a national law enforcement agency. I wanted to protect my hometown and the people who lived there, the people I grew up with… but the nation was another story!

“I don’t mean you have to join the Collectors, Alexis. Just that they would be the best able to help you train such unique powers. They do that for teens with unusual abilities. I just think it would be best for you to work with them… And if you don’t, they’ll still want to know about this.”

“I mean… I guess that’s all true… But why does anyone need to know about this? We know, that should be good enough, right?” Last thing I wanted was to be a freak in a new and interesting way. I start training with the Collectors, I thought, and I might as well just announce the new power thing to any classmates associated with those in the training program for the Collectors. That program started at 18, but there were a few kids from my school in it or looking to apply when they hit 18. There would be no keeping this new development secret that way, and I’d rather be a freak for a normal thing than a freak for something new.

“Chief is right, kid.” Dad could’ve at least had my back, dangit! “You’re both safer for yourself and safer to be around if you learn how to control this; or at least work with it, I guess.”

“Ugh! You guys are trying to make me stand out more!” I groaned as a man came walking out to us.

“Alright, Martin, what’s so important I had to get out here immediately?” The man asked, though in  good humor. It seemed he and Chief had a pretty good relationship.

“Dean… This is Alexis. She’s the daughter of John here, one of my best officers. Kid was power free until this evening. She developed ice powers while she was being attacked.”

“Well, the age is pretty unusual, but not something to call me over surely?”

“Oh, just wait. It gets better,” Chief chuckled. “Alexis and her old man came in to talk to me after handling the punks that attacked her. I asked her to demonstrate… And her powers were fire. So we came out here, and she’s gone through about 15 powers cycling around randomly, for random durations, for the last two hours.” That had Dean’s attention.

“Miss Alexis, if you aren’t too tired, would you demonstrate this for me, please?” Dean asked, looking at me. I hesitated. This was it- If I complied, this could change my life forever. There could be studies done about this strange power, or just my prediction of more unending freakishness. 

Dad gave me a reassuring smile, and I sighed, turning and moving to start trying my powers again. My fate was sealed.

Thanks for reading so far! If you like the first “chapter,” so to speak, of Life Is Super, please like the posts or leave a comment so I know! Thanks for reading along so far, and look forward to more of Alexis’ adventures as I get them completed!

Life Is Super, Stories

Life Is Super – Part 2

Leave a comment

After verifying I was okay, my dad went to assist his partner with the boys. With their dreams being thoroughly dashed, they all looked pretty defeated. Mike was pale and shaking even, and why shouldn’t he be concerned? The fines and penalties for attacking another person with your powers, without good cause, are high. Even higher when the target is a powerless mutant, or you believe they are at the time.

The only sad part is there was no video footage in that part of the grounds. There was a camera, but the school was in the process of getting it repaired after it was hit by a branch blown about in a bad storm. Admittedly, that’s probably why they’d waited here to attack.

Then again, even without the video footage, the law had them dead to rights. I mean, the police arrived to me laying on the ground, out cold, and the boys panicking thinking Mike had killed me. They confessed readily enough, at that point, and none of them could even look at me as they were loaded up. Not sure if it was guilt for what they did, or shame for getting caught… Ah well, wasn’t my problem.

Dad let me ride with him in the second car that had come to assist, and we went to get the boys processed and for him to be a proud parent to all his buddies at the station. Growing up, they’d all gotten to know our family well. Honestly, it was a lot like having a lot of extra aunts and uncles.

“Why didn’t you tell me and your mother that other kids were bullying you?” Dad asked on the ride in. “We could’ve spoken to the school and gotten this handled before it went to this level.”

“Come on, Dad, no one was going to attack me with a cop for a dad. At least, no one smart. Throw in a lawyer for a mom, and I was sitting pretty safe. It was just taunts and shunning before this, and I can deal with that.”

“What about Taylor and Thomas? Do they treat you like that?” Taylor and Thomas were twins at my school, and the only friends I had. They didn’t care that I was a mutant, since their dad was, too.

“Of course not. Their dad would kill them.”

“Then why didn’t they speak up?”

“Because I asked them not to, okay? This is my problem, not yours, and I won’t go running to Mommy and Daddy for every little thing that goes wrong,” I snapped. Well, I didn’t mean to, but Dad knows I like to handle things myself. Why was this such a big deal to him? It was only names and jerkish behavior before now.

“You’re still a child.” Dad was fuming at this point. “If you can’t solve a problem yourself, you ask an adult for help. This could have ended far worse for you, especially if your powers hadn’t shown at that moment. You could be dead or seriously injured, and no amount of law enforcement can undo that!”

“A Healer can help with serious injury,” I pointed out.

“Some! They can’t always fix it, Alexis. I’ve seen my share of that. You have to learn to be more responsible.”

“You know, a lot of people would say that just ignoring the bullies is the responsible way to handle it. And plenty of people have stopped pestering me because of me ignoring them. As far as I could tell, my method was working perfectly fine, thank you. And! I wasn’t getting butt hurt over it. I was fine.” Dad didn’t answer right away to this argument. When we pulled up to the station, he sighed.

“I suppose that is true. But from now on? At least tell us when things are happening, even if you don’t want our help. We can still let you handle it, but then if something happens or you need help, we won’t be blindsided.”

“Alright.. l can do that,” I assured him. I didn’t have to tell him everything that was happening, but really, I could at least let them know a little bit. It’d make them feel better.

Dad nodded at that and got out. I followed suit, and followed him up to the station. By the time we got inside, he’d calmed down and was even grinning. The officers in the reception area looked up when we came in.

“What’s got you in such a good mood, John? Especially when Lex looks like she met the wrong end of a car.” That was one of the older officers, a nice older lady that acted like I was her own grandchild. In fact, she insisted I call her Granny, and l did.

“Oh, nothing too much… Except Alexis’ powers finally came in, and she’s an lce Mage! Just like her old man!” Dad has always had a flair for the dramatics, but I can’t blame him this time. While my parents have always been supportive of me, powers or not, Dad had always hoped his kid would be an Ice Mage like him. This had to be one of his proudest moments, especially since I had gotten the power to work perfectly when I needed it. Not everyone gets that lucky when they first get their powers, since they’re usually a lot younger than me. Actually, always a lot younger than me.

Of course, no one cared how unusual it was, as the officers all came over to congratulate me. “Show us what you can do, kid!” One of them smiled. So, I did what I had done for Dad and the Healer.

Nothing happened. Everyone looked confused, but Dad smiled. “She did exhaust herself on the first use of it, so she might just need some time to recharge.” He explained, which satisfied everyone else and they continued to congratulate me before going on to their tasks. I wasn’t so sure about that. I didn’t feel tired anymore, but then, Dad knew more about Ice powers.

“Well, let’s get your classmates settled and their folks called. Isn’t Teddy’s dad in the Collectors?” Dad asked, which made me grin. Teddy was their leader, and his father was indeed a Collector. Boy was he going to be in for it!

Life Is Super

Life Is Super – Part 1

Leave a comment

Welcome to our new project- This would be a comic if I could draw, but I think I can make it work as a regularly updated web series instead. (Or until I can find someone who can draw and we team up. Whatever comes first.)

If you like this series and want to see more, throw a comment on the post or like it! The more people like it, the more I’m going to be motivated to continue writing.

A huge shoutout to my first test reader, Celeste, from one of my game groups. You are a huge help, and you are amazing!

And now… On to the story!

I live in a world where everyone has powers. Flight, invisibility, elemental control… You know, “superpowers.” Well, at least, that’s what we called them when they began to appear. Those with powers were considered mutants. Now, those without are the freaks.

Usually, powers manifest around the ages of three to five, but people have shown powers as late as 12. If you don’t power up by then, you’re a mutant and life will be difficult. There’s another class of mutant, those with more than one power… But they are worshipped rather than ridiculed.

My story begins at the age of 16.I was born to an Ice Mage father and a Speedster mother. Basically, dad had ice powers and mom super speed. I was a mutant, not a hint of powers to be had. Kids at my school took every chance to try to torment me, but I learned early to brush it off. At least, as my dad was a cop, things didn’t get violent.

Well…. Things didn’t turn violent until the June after I turned 16. Three local jerks got fed up with their threats and extortion attempts being ignored, so they decided to take things up a notch. I had never bothered to give them the time of day, as I knew any criminal convictions would ruin their future plans.

You see, they each wanted to be a Collector, the most elite national crime fighting organization. If a person had even a minor criminal or misdemeanor conviction, with a couple exemptions, the applicant was out of the running. So, by natural deduction, I reasoned they weren’t ever going to risk it. Boy was I wrong.

They made their move in the late evening. I was heading home from some volunteer work, tutoring other kids, when the three cornered me outside the school. There was no preparing for the absolute beatdown they gave me, but I did my best to defend myself. With a cop for a dad, I certainly wasn’t going to just stand there and take it, was I?

“Stupid, dumbass mutant, you should’ve just done what we told you. Twenty bucks a week isn’t too much to ask to keep from getting your ass kicked, is it?” The leader was a jock, star cleanup of the baseball team. Or something like that, I didn’t particularly care for the school’s sports.

“Admittedly… Didn’t think… You three were as dumb as you looked.” I was careful to talk between blocks, so I didn’t distract myself too much. Apparently, they didn’t like this answer. Can’t imagine why.

“We are going to make you regret you were ever born.” The leader growled.

“Why? Want someone to feel as bad as you look?” Well, that wasn’t the right answer, either, I guess. One of them, the Fire Mage of their little group, got the other two to grab my arms as he lit up a punch and grinned.

“You won’t be so cocky when we’re done with you, mutant.” He said, and punched.

What happened next was absolutely baffling. Knowing the damage that punch could do, I ducked my head, which he was aiming for. I managed to twist my hold out of the third boy’s grip, freeing my left hand in time to throw my arm up and block the next fire punch. Instead of feeling a bad burn, my arm went cold the instant before the hit connected, there was a hiss, and steam blew out in front of my eyes. The boys swore, let me go, and backed up… And I passed out.

When I came to, there were lights going off nearby. Apparently, the cops had been notified. A Healer was looking me over.

“Aside from the cuts and bruises she has, she’s just exhausted herself, John. She’ll be fine.”

“Exhausted? From a fight? You’re sure nothing else is wrong?” My father’s face came into view. “Alex, what happened?”

“Oh, y’know… Just picking daisies and having tea parties.” I retorted, trying to sit up. Dad pushed me back down.

“You stay right there until we know what happened, young lady.” He looked at the Healer.

“I can’t find any signs of ill health.” The Healer explained. “She’s perfectly fine.”

“Daaad, come on. I’m fine, he said so.” I complained. Dad sighed and let me sit up.

“What happened? The boys were freaked out, but wouldn’t say exactly.” I didn’t answer. No matter how painful or irritating school and life got, there was one thing I still had going for me: I didn’t go running to Mommy and Daddy when the other kids were being mean. At least, not since I was, like, 8. “Alex- I have to know what happened, for the report. It’s clear they attacked you, but why? If you started this fight…”

“Of course I didn’t, do I look as stupid as them? I was leaving tutoring and they cornered me, alright? They tried to be intimidating, I wasn’t having it, and Mike threw a fire punch. My arm got cold, there was a lot of steam, and I passed out.” The Healer and Dad traded looks. “What?”

“Alex, do exactly what you did when Mike hit you.” The Healer told me. I frowned, but threw up my arm as if I was blocking a punch in a hurry. In an instant, my forearm was coated in ice! “Well, that’s what it was, then- You, young lady, are the latest bloomer I’ve ever heard of.”

“Ice powers! You’ve got ice powers!” Dad cheered, pulling me into a hug. “Just like your old man! Your mother will be so jealous.” He grinned.

Uncategorized

Announcement – New Project Coming for NaNoWriMo!

Leave a comment

November is National Novel Writing Month, and I’m doing a special project for it!

Honestly, this project would be a web comic if I could draw, but I’ll settle for a web novel series type of deal.

Our story will be following Alexis, a girl living in a world where everyone has a super power- Well, almost every one. Tune in for the first part, scheduled for Friday, to get to know our world and protagonist!

Monologued Dialogue, Nerd Fitness Prompts

Nerd Fitness Prompts – Writing to Improve Mindfulness: Day 1 – Control

1 Comment

This series will be driven by journaling prompts provided by the team at Nerd Fitness via their Nerd Fitnes Prime program and Journey app beta. I’ve chosen to share these sessions as a means to help others, either by attempting the prompt themselves, or through something discussed in our own conversations.

Today’s prompt: “What things are truly in my control?” These prompts are meant to give guidance on something to think on and write about for a brief period of time, such as 5 minutes.

Need some help figuring out who is Me and who is Shorty? Head over to our “Meet the Family” Page to find out!

So, I’ve decided to tackle my journal prompts from the NF team as a dialogue. You always help me order my thoughts, Shorty.

Thanks, kid. Let’s give it a try!

Alright… Control… I feel like very little is in my control, but I know better. Sometimes, it’s just hard to see.

Well, start with the undeniable. What can only you and no one else control?

Hmm… My thoughts, my actions. Reactions as well. I control my words. How I portray myself.

Very good. Can you expand and give yourself goals based on those? C’mon, kid, let’s take this a step further.

I control my anger, and when to let things go. I can choose to stop holding grudges. I control if I lash out, get offended, let something ruin my day. I can choose to forgive, forget, move on, and be happy.

Excellent. And now that you have it written, you’ll be able to come back to this at need and remember.

I will. Thanks for the assist, Shorty.

Stories, Taking Back the Kingdom

Taking Back The Kingdom – Chapter 3

Leave a comment

My travels remained fairly uneventful until I reached a small farming town three days from my last stop. People were gathered in the town square, arguing about some announcement that had been posted. I moved forward to read what it was and frowned.

“What? Executions?” I asked, outraged. “Mass executions? This is just… Just barbaric!”

“There’s a young man with sense!” An old woman agreed, nodding to me with approval. “You best be careful on your travels, boy. It looks like any who cross this new king have a short life ahead of them now.”

“I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation. We can’t just jump to conclusions,” a middle aged man countered. “He hasn’t really been that bad thus far, minus taxes. And for all we know, those are for a good purpose, right?”

“Likely the ‘good purpose’ of fattening his purse, boy!” the old woman retorted, other elders either nodding their agreement, or shouting it.

“He’s been messing with prices in shops as well. I met a shopkeep three days back who was losing business because of it,” I added to the group. “And he’s fining shops that don’t fall in line. It’s taking people’s livelihoods, it is. I can’t stand it- So I’m on my way to stop him.” These drew some cheers and praise from those arguing against the usurper.

“There’s a good boy! You go help teach this wicked creature that he can’t just come in here and do as he pleases!” The old woman was grinning at me, clearly pleased. “Go on, then son! And here-” She passed me some money. “Take this to help with your travels.”

“Thank you, grandmother, but I couldn’t. I have more than enough to get me through. Please, keep it for you and yours.” With that, and a smile and wave, I went on my way.

Despite my smile for the people, however, I was troubled. How could the king order mass executions? It had never been done in the history of the kingdom, even with the worst of our monarchs. The worst year for executions still only saw 10, and that for the worst traitors of the kingdom.

Who was he executing? Former nobles who would not support him? Commoners who caused trouble? A mixture of both? Perhaps it was officials that he had replaced with his own people. He may have needed them out of the way so that people could not rise behind them. Even locked up, people could unite under the idea that they could free those that previously had power and put them back in control.

Trying to guess the motives of a monster was only going to distract me from the road. Regardless of his reasons, it was not going to help his cause. If anything, it was only going to make it easier for me and others like me to get him off the throne. I could see our homeland returning to normal in the near future, if he continued at this rate.

Marcus looked over the newest recruits to the army as they stood before him. He frowned, seeing that many of them looked uneasy. “Why do so many of my new soldiers look discomforted?” He asked his advisor quietly.

“They have it in their heads that this is a forced recruitment, and they were required to join up. Nothing the recruiters said convinced them otherwise. It appears that people are beginning to fear you, your majesty,” the man replied in a near whisper. Marcus sighed, looking over the troops.

“We are not at war, nor in urgent need of new troops. Nervous soldiers right now will not be worth our time.” Marcus moved forward, looking at the group before him. “Those of you who do not wish to be here, you are dismissed. This is not a mandatory recruitment, regardless of gossip. We are not at war, and we are in no urgent need of the man power. We simply wish to make sure any who wish to train have the time to do so, should trouble arise. 

“In this time of unrest, those at our borders may see us as weak and vulnerable. We simply want to be ready, should one of them decide that our kingdom is an easy target.” Marcus paused, smirking slightly. “We will prove to be otherwise, of course. Our military has always been strong and proud, and it remains such to this day. Now… Those who still wish to train, please wait here for the training masters to come and give you instructions. Those who wish to go home, please do so. I wish you safe travels, and good fortune.”

As Marcus turned to leave, his advisor following, small murmurs ran through the recruits. No one left before the training masters came to them, nor did they look anxious anymore.

Kendra's Mental Health Central

Masks

Leave a comment

For most of my life, I’ve been known as a cheerful, hyper, random kind of girl. A lot of people I talk to classify me as a people person, and one to cheer others up when they need it. In school, I was goofy and full of energy.

What a lot of people don’t realize is that a lot of that is a mask. I’m really not as cheerful as I seem, and being around people for very long is extremely draining for me. And while I love to help others and make them feel great, I hate to ask for help.

I love to feel needed, and hate to feel needy. Spending time with people is draining, but seeing people around me happy is the best feeling in the world.

These feelings boiled down to one simple truth for me, when I was younger: I could not, under any circumstances, let others know that I wasn’t as strong, mature, and relaxed as I seemed.

My coping strategies, when I was younger, was to just act more cheerful and energetic around people, then escape into books and video games when I was alone. Writing became something of a savior to me, as it gave me the chance to live out my fantasies through whatever characters I created.

The character that ended up helping save my life, though, has since become one of my best friends: Shorty Scorch.

I originally made Shorty when I was a younger kid on the Neopets forums. She was based on this awesome new anime that I saw and absolutely loved, Naruto. She was a badass, a ninja, and harbored a demon. I know, cliche, but I was, like, 7 to 10. Sue me.

Since then, however, Shorty has grown and evolved just like a real person. I feel like she’s no longer just some vague character, but a part of me. So much so that she occasionally gets to step out and say her bit, here on the blog.

This might just seem like a long personal history and backstory, but it’s not. See, as I got older, Shorty Scorch became more and more a part of me. I talk to her in my mind when I need someone to discuss things with. She’s always calm and reasonable, and motherly. Admittedly, that description sounds a lot like a mental illness, but it’s not. Shorty isn’t a separate personality or something, and I’m always in control of my own body and emotions. She’s just a way for me to help verbalize/conceptualize some of my behaviors, thoughts, and feelings.

But, in the end, as much status as I give her, Shorty is still one thing: A mask. Everything else above I described? All of it is the same: Masks. Layers and layers of masks, to hide my pain or weakness.

Now, here’s the thing about masks: Everyone has one. No one is without some sort of cover for some kind of situation. Some masks are more developed than others, like Shorty is for me. Other masks are pretty easy to see through. But they’re all masks, ways to hide or cover ourselves.

What a person needs to know is when to remove the mask, or at least pull it enough away to get help. Mental health is important, and wearing an “I’m a perfectly normal human” mask when you’re struggling with dark thoughts, self-harm, or other signs of mental illness is just the same as wearing long sleeves to hide bruises. Some people will realize what you’re doing pretty quickly, others will take time, and some will never get it.

If you’re struggling, if you need someone to help you and don’t know how, please… Just take off the mask. It only needs to be for a short time, long enough to talk to a professional, or even just someone that cares and will help you get with a professional. Don’t hide behind your own Shorty, or cheerful and hyper side, or cool and aloof side- Whatever mask you wear, remember that it only hinders you when you need help.

I know it’s hard. Believe me, I still struggle with it on a daily basis. But a few minutes can be all it takes to get you back on a healthy track.

Feel free to reach out to me from the Contact page if you need a friendly ear, and please, stay on top of your mental health.

Updates

United We Stand

Leave a comment

This isn’t my normal style of post. Nor will it be anywhere near my internet comfort zone. As a rule, I don’t discuss politics or current events that are heated online. I find that the internet just isn’t usually a conducive place to have a constructive and polite conversation about such things, so I avoid it in such a forum.

However, things have taken a decidedly different turn from normal. Days are becoming bleak, and the outlook is getting very concerning.

Allow me to preface with a brief description of myself. I am in the Midwestern United States. As a 27 year old female, I have an interest in hunting, the outdoors, guns and knives (mostly swords, really), and a lot of geek culture. As one could gather from my blog, I am an author. Depression and anxiety are constants in my life, but manageable ones. My only “babies” are four cats that range in age from 8 to under 1. My best friends are either high school besties, or the bestie I met on Neopets in elementary school and have since basically adopted as my, like, third or fourth sister at this point.

Religiously, I am a Christian. I don’t go to church or regularly read the bible, but I try to live how I feel the good Lord wants me to. Some of my friends live opposed to how some Christians feel they should, and that’s fine by me. They’re happy and healthy, and that’s more important to me.

Politically, I like to call myself decidedly independent. I really couldn’t tell you what my political leanings are, but I can tell you when I agree or disagree with something someone’s doing.

This is all background so you see how I see myself. I feel like I’m coming from a pretty neutral ground, though you may feel otherwise. As I have no other real description or background of myself on this site, I feel this is vital so that you may read my thoughts on the current situation in the country in the light I see them in.

In recent times, an unarmed, potentially innocent man was killed by a cruel police officer while other cruel officers stood idly by and watched. This unarmed man was already restrained, already in handcuffs and under control, and was of no threat to the officers on the scene. This man pleaded for his life, and instead it was taken from him.

I hope the Lord has a safe, comforting place for his soul to rest, and that he does not watch what has unfolded since.

It took several days for the officer responsible for the arrest to be arrested and charged for the death. This is reprehensible. Many, all across the nation, have said so. Many officers across the nation have said as much, of the entire situation.

We don’t like what happened, at all. We agree, this needs to change.

Naturally, the protests begin. People have begun exercising their First Amendment rights. This is the way to change. Many in history have done just this, peaceful gatherings and marches for their causes.

Unfortunately, some have corrupted these peaceful gatherings. Looting and rioting have begun, across the nation. Innocent people are being hurt, killed, in these protests. Officers who are only trying to keep the peace are falling in the line of duty. Business owners with no stakes in the game other than being American citizens are having their shops ransacked, their livelihoods ruined just because their place of business was there and not heavily guarded enough.

In other areas, either officers in charge or politicians in charge make terrible decisions to use unnecessary force on peaceful protests. Innocent people get gassed, shot with rubber munitions, and beat on. It reminds me of the reactions to marches for the Civil Rights Movement.

Yes, I capitalized that. It was important. That was a huge part of American history, and we need to learn from it.

Our protests need to be peaceful. It makes our message more sincere, and harder to deny. They can’t use those who are violent or use the protests for criminal activity to sully the meaning.

At the same time, the opposition needs to be peaceful as well. History will look back and see how cruel we are to each other now. Future generations will see it, and be sickened and disgusted by the police attacking peaceful protesters, the rioting and looting during what should be a sincere and honest protest, and the absolute civil unrest.

Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. We are seeing this right now. Worse, everyone has easy access to cameras and video recorders now. This will be even better documented than in the past. We must correct our course now, before we fall prey to our own hatred, viciousness, and evils.

To close, I have a message not just for my fellow Americans, but for the world. Because as 2020 continues to rage out of control, peace, love, and unity are more important than ever, and I feel this message is just as important to the world as it is to the country:

United we stand, Divided we fall.