Some people who know me might not know this, but I live with depression. I was diagnosed in high school, after I went to the school counselor with suicidal thoughts. After some medication, I recovered and was back to normal.

At least, for a while. Now, I’m on medication again and have been for a couple years. Probably will be for the foreseeable future. But there was a difference this time: I wasn’t afraid to ask for help.

See, when I had my first bout of depression, I was afraid to speak up. What would my parents think? Would Mom blame herself?

“She’s always been a great mom, I don’t want to hurt her. I just have to keep being the perfectly normal kid and everything will be okay. No one has to know something’s wrong with me.”

But there wasn’t anything wrong with me, I was just ill. Desperately so, in fact. By the time I got help, I was scared of myself, and no one should ever be in a state like that. No one should ever be afraid to ask for help when they’re struggling.

It’s okay not to be okay, just like it’s okay to have a cold or the flu. That’s all mental illness is, another sickness. Something that needs attention and treatment. If you get the flu or an infection, you go to the doctor. If you aren’t feeling right in your mind, you should see someone about that, too.

I know it can be scary and intimidating- trust me, I’ve been there. But the scarier thing is knowing that one day, your loved ones could be faced with something happening to you because no one knew you needed help. Because that’s what’s terrifying about mental illnesses- they can be invisible.

My worst days of depression are highlighted by my best laughs and biggest smiles, when people are looking. Despite knowing I can ask for help, I still hide behind a mask. The people I ask for help are few and far between, but they’re always within reach. However, I still have to remind myself that I can talk to those people on those bad days.

If you are having those bad days and feel like you have no one to talk to, please, find the local hotline for your issue and call it. Or drop me a line on the Contact page and I’ll do my best to talk it out with you. I’m not any sort of licensed professional, but I care about you. All of you, everyone reading this, are worthy of my love and care, and you’re worthy of feeling okay. But if you’re not okay right now, that’s okay.

People are here for you.